This blog was written by Dre in her own words and tells about what lead up to her session and all the way through it. <3
What Lead To My Session?
I am 28 and will be 29 this year. I work for the Developmental Disabilities Council, and I just completed my second Boudoir Shoot with Ayla. What did I expect this time? To be less nervous? To know or recall some posing? Well, I learned it all over again. I did not expect to be as nervous as I was.
On the other hand, that MY body could move in positions, it was in. HOWEVER, the truth was, I was nervous, afraid and excited all at once. And my body did all the things!! What I did not expect was to laugh as hard as I did, feel as fierce as I looked and to be PRESENT.
When I started looking back into doing my second shoot, I felt those negative thoughts creep in. Because when I think of a photo shoot, or modeling gig… I thought… Hmmm NO way could I do that, again. I fought it for a bit- I put it off. Why? Because I did not know what to expect. At the point of no return, I began doing more research and got involved in the VIP group. I created these irrational fearful thoughts and I expected myself to back out. Nevertheless, here I stand after an AMAZING shoot with Ayla.
At first, I expected there to be expectations. (Body type, hairstyle, attire) and to my surprise, I found none. As I looked around the Studio, surrounded by all the forms of ART and found real WOMEN! What did I expect? Your usual models. Skinny, fit, etc. What did I find? Real FREAKIN’ women... moms, sisters, aunts, friends, etc.
The more I dug, the more I found myself thinking, what I expected was very different. The vision I had, was not what I pictured (see what I did there?). The realization that this is going to happen for me really scared me. It made me nervous. I did not think I was good enough.
Day of Session
I arrived the day of my shoot. I was not sure what to expect. The fact was that I was extremely nervous. I have NEVER had my makeup done professional before or my hair. So what could go wrong? I take a nice walk up to the Armory and it was spectacular. It did not know what to expect because I found myself walking in a complete circle, which was great for my legs.
I did not know what to expect when I walked down the hallway. I was nervous all over again; I did not lose as much weight as I wanted. I had a HUGE pimple on my face. I did not wash my hair that morning. I did not have perfume, deodorant, or LOTION (I get ashy fast). So I became so self-conscience!
I arrived to a room of smiling faces, Ayla. I met Jessica and we laughed, joked and made coffee. I made my coffee the best way possible, with alllllllll the sugar. I sat in the makeup chair and I was so nervous. We just began talking (Jessica, Ayla and I) about funny things, life, the shoot, and everything in-between. I began to feel more relaxed. Once I got my reveal for my shoot, I was IN SHOCK! I looked sooo flawless even with all my insecurities. I felt SO fierce. Jessica did an amazing job.
I brought a few outfits of my own, so once I had my (AMAZING) makeup on; I changed into and began the warmup posing. At first, I was sweating and shaking. As I went, I began to realize that I was getting more relaxed. I pranced around the room while Ayla coached me around the room. I found myself completely at ease. I was enjoying the laughter, the fails (I am not as flexible as I thought I was), and all the different poses. The day went flawlessly as if nothing else was going on outside.
I enjoyed a refreshment while Ayla edited some photos for the reveal. I was comfortable with all those soft blankets and comfortable couches. Once Ayla was ready- She had the TV turned on, and we began viewing all the images she captured. In short, I was in AWE. I had no idea what to expect because I still felt insecure (that negative person in my head telling me I am too fat, could not bend a certain way, etc.) but boy was I so wrong. Each shot was beautiful. I could not have ever expected to look so beautiful. Like, emotionally and physically you can see the passion in every image, in every angle. I could never expect to feel so good about myself.
The amount of gratitude to breaking every expectation I had for the shoot and myself. I did not know I could have left feeling more confident, attractive, strong and downright happy.